Bribing or rewarding – where does one end and the other begin?
For one 12-year-old American girl, good attendance at school hasn’t just been rewarded with high marks and happy parents – but with a new car! Chicago Public Schools incentivised children to turn up at school every day by entering into a draw those who managed perfect attendance for three months with the winning prize a $20,000 brand new car (which the 12 year old is still too young to drive).
For many people, that is an incentive too far. While many children around the world have no schools to go to, or walk many miles to get to school each day, it can seem obscene that a 12-year-old can win a car for something they should be happy to do anyway.
But the head of public schools in Chicago clearly thought it was a worthwhile expense in what was a very deprived area of the city. And it illustrates one of the many dilemmas of parenthood – how do we incentivise good behaviour without our children demanding ever-better rewards? And when does an incentive stop being a reward and become a bribe?
Children can understand how rewards work from a very young age. Toddlers will learn how a ‘star chart’ works (where good behaviour earns stars on a chart, which ultimately add up to a reward or present), with the help of a few pictures or symbols. Using a chart – whether homemade or shop-bought – has the advantage that the behaviour required (sleeping through the night in their own bed perhaps, or dressing for themselves) is set out clearly in advance.
Incentives work best when the goals are clear, when they are obtainable but not too easy, and the reward is appropriate.
But there are many other situations where rewards can become more ad-hoc and that’s where the danger lies. Mealtimes seem to be a common problem. Getting children to eat well and healthily is often a struggle, and in desperation, many parents have offered sweets, treats and desserts to those who eat their greens.
In one online forum, when asked if they ever offered their children bribes, most parents denied that they did, but admitted that they did offer rewards for eating well. Whether these incentives are actually bribes or not is probably just a matter of timing. Start early in the meal – or better still, before lunch or dinner is served – and the offer of ice-cream to those who finish can still be a reward. But by the time the peas are being pushed around the plate, or the salad studiously ignored, you are entering the territory of the bribe.
You might also want to question whether this is sending the wrong message anyway. Does this make ice-cream more attractive and peas something to be endured? Would a trip to the park be a better reward? Or offering to play with your child a game of their choice?
In the middle of a tantrum or pestering fit, the time to offer a reward for good behaviour is long past. Saying ‘be quiet and I’ll buy you the doll’ is giving in and doing exactly what the little person wants. Next time they want something, they know that pestering or screaming will probably get them the thing they want.
So next time you find yourself thinking ‘maybe just a little treat will help’, consider whether you have left it too late or not. And is it the right kind of reward? Are you going to be buying a new toy for every trip to the shops? Could you one day find yourself with child who wants a car simply for attending school?
Ó Christine Meadows