Guilt Trips
There are so many reasons to feel guilty as a parent. Are we feeling guilty too often? We cannot expect to know everything.
During my pregnancy, I didn’t eat healthily enough
The guilt can start even before the baby has been born. We are given so much advice during pregnancy: don’t drink, don’t smoke, avoid caffeine. Is it any wonder that most of us slip up at some point?
I didn’t breastfeed my baby (for long enough)
Whatever the reasons for doing it, many women feel guilty about introducing bottle feeds. Most people now know ‘breast is best’, but perhaps they don’t know that those who breast feed exclusively for 6 months or more are still the unusual ones.
I entrusted my child to carers so that I could go back to work
Is the nursery or childminder really going to have the love and patience you would give your child? Are you damaging your child by following your own career ambitions? If those are questions you’ve asked yourself, you’ve probably felt a little of this guilt.
I should be pursuing a career
Mothers that do go out to work might be surprised to know that quite a few of the ‘stay-at-home’ mums feel bad for not going out to work! Are they failing to set a good example of how women can be successful in the workplace? With more childcare options than ever before, should they be trying to contribute to the household income?
I don’t spend enough time with my child
With so many demands on our time – from cleaning and cooking to going out or working – is it any wonder that we sometimes don’t find much time left for being with our children?
I spend too much time on myself
A trip to the spa, gym or hairdresser might do immeasurable good to our well-being and our self-esteem, but it can also bring a cloud of guilt with it.
I let my children eat unhealthy food
This is something of a new entry in the guilt charts, as the emphasis on healthy eating in recent years has left many mothers (and perhaps fathers too) feeling guilty when they serve up chips or ready-meals.
I lost my temper with my child
Few parents can avoid this one. We can’t always be perfect parents all the time. But perhaps at least we know when we have been impatient, and the guilt we feel may actually help us react better the next time.
I should have known…
When things go wrong, particularly where the health of our children is concerned, we can feel to blame for not knowing something. Could we have spotted the signs of an illness sooner?
It is up to us to decide if we have made a real mistake or not and to stop the guilt taking hold. Being a fair critic of our own behaviour is difficult, but perhaps the most valuable skill we can develop.
ã Christine Meadows