What makes a good parent?
The blogosphere really is a busy place, especially when it comes to debating the issues of parenting. The latest have been sparked off by a Dutch politician’s moves to pass a bill which would force unfit mothers into two years of contraception. Whilst interfering with a woman’s right to have a baby may seem a step too far, the story did raise some very good questions.
Not least, it made me think long and hard about what really marks out someone as being a good parent and someone else as an unfit or bad parent. At one end of the scale, there’s parental neglect - parenting at its worse - which should obviously be deplored. At the other end, there are parents who seem to get it absolutely right, all of the time. They are perfectly in tune with what is involved in raising a child. Everything seems so effortless for them, or at least that’s what it seems like to parents who aren’t perhaps finding life so easy. In between, there is unsatisfactory parenting - parenting that is neither good nor bad.
Being a parent isn’t always easy. However, I believe that there are several reasons why some parents appear to struggle whilst others do not. Loss of parental control is an important factor. For some parents, it can sometimes seem like their baby is more in control than they are. I believe that, from the moment your baby is born, he or she needs to know the limits of acceptable behaviour. It helps your baby feel safe and secure. An important first step to better parenting, then, is to set boundaries and keep to them. Being consistent is also a good way of raising a child in a more thoughtful way. After all, if you as a parent send out mixed messages about what you expect of your baby, how can you expect them to get it right? Taking responsibility for the way that you raise your child is another important step to becoming a good parent.
Above all, though, the easiest route to better parenting is to make sure you’re prepared. By this I don’t just mean physically prepared. I mean mentally prepared for the choices, changes and challenges that lie ahead. Parenting is a journey and, like any long-haul trip you take, it pays to start planning as early as possible, even before the arrival of a child on the scene.
Unsatisfactory parenting may not seem as serious as bad parenting, but the consequences can be just as far-reaching, both for your child and society. A more thoughtful approach to parenting can unlock potential benefits on both counts.
© Christine Meadows