Getting the balance right
Over the past few years, we’ve watched as divorced fathers have used some rather high-profile actions to publicise their fight to gain access to their children. So, it was with interest that I read the findings of a recent report by the Oxford Centre for Family Law and Policy. According to the report, more and more fathers are now succeeding in their battle to win the right to see their children. When it comes to institutional bias in favour of mothers, it may well be that times are finally changing.
In my opinion, this inequality of access mirrors the imbalance between parental roles that still exists in many families today. In most cases, the mother is still seen as the parent who is most involved with raising children. There is a tendency, I have noticed, for fathers to be made to feel rather isolated from the whole process of parenting. In my experience, many fathers would like to become more involved in raising their child, but are either not encouraged to do so, or in some cases, are actively discouraged. On the other hand, mothers who care full time for their children, may feel unsupported by a father who comes home tired after a day at work. Both parents may end up feeling that they’re facing the challenge of being a parent on their own.
I strongly believe that both parents within a family have to work as equal partners within a team, whether they work full time or have opted to stay at home. A good starting point is to make sure that ‘contact time’ - the time a parent spends playing with their child, or caring for that child in a practical way - is more equally balanced. For truly balanced parenting, however, both parents really need to sit down to discuss how they’re going to work together to take responsibility for every aspect of raising their child, and not just the everyday practicalities.
By adopting a unified and balanced approach to parenting, both partners can enjoy working together to raise their child in a supportive and thoughtful atmosphere.
© Christine Meadows